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k4j
read my profile sign my guestbook Name: kt Birthday: 10/14/1987 Gender: Female Message: message meEmail: email me Website: visit my website MSN: k4j_4eva@hotmail.com Member Since: 5/19/2003

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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

	is it stupid to become attached to inanimate objects? it hasn't happened yet but i'm in mourning already... i knew this day would come... but i didn't know i'd be away at the time i'm being so stupid about this but i'm so so so so upset what will make these tears go away....? think me stupid but i will make the departure one of grandeur
	11:27 AM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Thursday, November 12, 2009

OMG
i am the biggest retard in the world!!!!

all this time i thought my professional experience was due TOMORROW
IT'S DUE NEXT FRIDAY!!!!!

all this time i was jeopardising my jap study to complete the stupid wiki
SOMEONE KILL ME!!!!!

2:50 PM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Friday, November 06, 2009

first a disclaimer:
i know that by staying up to type this blog
i am feeding into my stress

now that that's dealt with
on with the problems at hand

they say a picture's worth a thousand words
i am actually really scared
i thought 10kms was my house to wendy's house
looking at all that red makes me want to faint already
i don't think i can do this...
and i don't want to slow everyone else down
i've been running during the kid's fitness at school
and last night after coles at 11pm i was running around kellyville
but that's not enough
i'm really really scared
i don't want to drag others down...

i can't elaborate just how scared i am
i really want to cry....

second to that is this whole car business
it's just taken so damn long
i'm really questioning my own comprehension skills
coz it seems it's either i misunderstand or they miscommunicate or neglect to communicate something to me
i get one set of paperwork done
then they tell me
'you actually need the other document too'
like wtf
yup i'll just pull it out of my ass for you
this has been the longest process for ANYTHING i've had to endure
i was meant to have my car before prac!
my prac is almost OVER!
thanks to God that my parents were able to work transport out for me
but i'm just so fed up with this whole bank and car thing
i wanted to just give up last week
just tell the bank
'i don't want the loan'
but it's so near the end...
i didn't want to have waited for no reason....
so after a month and a half
i'm 'said' to be getting the bank cheque by wednesday
and when the aunti and uncle sung is available
i will be picking my car up
i need my car by the 14th coz i have plans
and the way things look
it doesn't seem likely
then the insurance is giving me a headache
coz i dno what to do
i've never dealt with this
and i don't have time
I REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME!

this week has been the worst week in such a long time
prac monday to friday
wake up at 7:30 till 3:15
swot shot/kumon 4 till 6:30/8:45
coles wednesday 7 till 10
coles thursday and friday 7 till midnight
saturday is my only day off
and it seems i'll need to go rta before noon
to sort out the transferring the car documents
as well as look into insurance and stuff
there's fornna's dinner
and band at night
then i'm running for run4fun on sunday
i haven't had time to prepare lessons for my prac
i just wing it everyday
and i'm tired
i'm so exhausted

i also have an assignment that i'm supposed to be doing
that is due next friday
that i have barely started
it is a pass/fail assessment
and it's submission is online
i haven't done it
and it doesn't look like i'll have time to do it in the coming week
i'm just so tired....

i started today with a can of V
and at coles during my break
i had a can of Mother
i still have 2 cans of V in my fridge
they're for the next couple of days
i have no TIME to do my car stuff coz the bank operating hours are just the hours i CAN'T go
i already call the bank everyday about my loan during lunch times at school
i'm over my cap already so i feel so uncommunicable
i'm just so tired
and i can't see a solution until after the 14th
AND I NEED THE CAR ON THE 14TH!!!!!!

i seriously want to break down and cry
it's just too much
i have no time to myself this week
i have no time
i have no time
and i'm tired
and i just want to lie down and die
and cry and cry and cry and cry
and i almost fell asleep at swot shop yesterday
my eyes rolled into the back of my head
i'm so exhausted....

Father, i know you give rest to the weary
please give me rest
You alone are the comforter
please give me comfort
i can not do this without you
please help me see how this is building me up
please not let it tear me down
i am so exhausted
but all these things i am doing are for myself
please help me to see how i can live for you
i am so tired....

1:11 AM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Friday, October 16, 2009

i feel like the most specialist girl in the whole entire universe!
last night something tragic happened
but out of it shone this wonderful miracle
the restaurant gave my cake to another table
the cake that ju had bought and handed to them to keep for me
and the table thought they got a free cake
only until i realised
'why is the table next to us, cutting MY cake?'

that is the tragedy

skipping much drama

i can say even though the evening started badly
it ended so magically
and i was so happy that everyone there
was there
because i had underbooked
thinking some people i invited wouldn't come
but most people i asked
came
i felt so special
i felt so loved
and it wasn't even if they ate
coz feff ate dinner at home already
but still came out to city for me

daughter had training and still came for me
daughter had work at towers and came for me
son stumbled into maccas to meet us all tired from a full day of uni
da was so tired from work but still she came
roger drove from liverpool
ju stayed with me FROM 5:30 till 8 to wait for the table
wendy ventured to city
first time in a long time for me
susanto and pearly trekked all the way to city for me
with tim and johnny in tow

CHANG came for me even in the middle of her hectic drama

keh came after a busy day of work
meff dint know it was my bday

lo gong came after a long day at work in HORNSBY!
ANNA came out of her bunker in campbletown not for me but CLOSE!!!

this was not to boast
but to express my gratitude to you ALL
and to say that i knew it was a big ask to go city for me
especially coz i know it's due-dates-period
and i know people have work on wednesday and work the next day
and dinner was at EIGHT

which is late and was a time that promised to end late
but beyond all odds....you all came!

i'm hoping i won't offend anyone when i say how surprised i was
because i don't underestimate ANY of your friendships with me
but i just didn't know i was that loved...
and for a person who doesn't usually celebrate her birthdays
this was kind of special
and you guys made it so wonderful
each of you added joy to my day!!

especially those of you who were so freaked i would cry
but i was brave and i held it
and the thought that ran through my head when i held the tears in were
'so many people wanted to share this day with me, a stupid cake won't mean they love me any less

i'm already so blessed.'
anthony's birthday message on facebook told me to remember all the blessings God has given me
and when chang stormed after the staff to demand compensation
and when ju and roger ran in like superheroes with a makeshift/surprise/magical cake
i felt so blessed
i could see everyone getting pissed off at the wagaya staff
i knew they worried i would just cry right there right then
i saw so much concern in everyone's eyes
and that held my tears in

especially when susan and chang kept knocking water over
that made me laugh so hard

i knew you guys loved me
thanks for being with me for my birthday
i felt so special
and i felt so loved
i've been in a dark hole for most of the past year leading up to this birthday
but i know now never to have to worry
coz God's sent me such a wonderful circle of angels to protect me from even the strongest winds
i wish you all blessings upon blessings from God
i love you guys
and my birthday wish was that the same people would be with me to celebrate all my birthdays in the future
and i have no fear that disclosing it will ruin it coz i already know it'll come true

each of you have a special place in my heart

thanks for all your love,
me

1:20 AM - 25 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

	screw it i'm not trying anymore what's the point when no one else gives a rat's arse no point dragging a wagon when ten people are leaning on it weather forecast for today sunny with a slight chance of rapture
	10:26 AM - 1 view - email it

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